Cliterature™
A Blind Cat Press Publication
Click It, Rub It
Read It, Love It

A literary journal
devoted to women's sexuality
 
Kate Belew is a student at Kalamazoo College where she studies English and Writing. She has studied under Diane Seuss and Traci Brimhall. She is an assistant editor/reader for Western Michigan University's literary journal, Third Coast, and on the selection committee for Kalamazoo College's literary journal, The Cauldron. She spent her summer writing in the woods at Pierce Cedar Creek under the Nature in Words Fellowship. She believes firmly in Duende and in the importance of a good dog.

Kate Belew

Spoon Out Indigo

 

Wait. There has been something broken

inside of me. I woke up and I had been hollowed

 

out by a spoon. Stop. My mouth is like dip dyed indigo.

Soul emptiness. Take it. I will stain anyone that wants to love me.

 

I am yawning and coughing up the matted wings of damselflies.

I have pulled the feathers out and left my fingernails bloody.

 

I do not cry because I want this. Have you ever wanted something so badly?

 

I swallow the come back. I have made the greatest mistake

of my life. My life is the greatest mistake of my life. I am impermanent.

 

If I could hold him it would be like holding nails in a storm

in my soft palms. My eyes blown off like a shingled roof. I love it. I can taste

 

the humor like metal. No one wants to hear an empty love song. There is always

the option of bleeding out. When it rains I hear his footsteps.

 

Why is my head never quiet?

 

The echoes are moving in my opposite direction.

I told him to leave. That is my choice. The power of choice feels guilty.

 

This is what I know.

 

I will kiss anyone other than him in order

to make the earth stop spinning clockwise. I don’t want there to be logic

 

in endings. Breathing was too easy for him to be

the hurricane of my life.

 

There have been hours that were just shrapnel bullets

in my ribs. When I close my eyes I haven’t met him yet.

 

I am standing on a street corner counting the cracks in the sky.

The world is ending. I have made it so.